I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
