I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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