There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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