k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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