if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
