Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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