halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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