I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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