glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
