we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
