So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's the barista slut.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
