Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
