New low: just hacked my moms facebook
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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