I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
