There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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