Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
