I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This baby is an asshole
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
