do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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