I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
