Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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