I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
