The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
