I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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