I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
