That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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