I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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