The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
