This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
