a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
accomplished twins. life is a go
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
