Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
