When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
