I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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