So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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