Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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