Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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