I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We need to get me chipped asap
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
