Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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