Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
