i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
