chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
