it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
