Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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