fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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