Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
