His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
