Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
