Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Pooping to opera.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
