as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
