The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
