this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
