the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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