dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
tell me about the fingering
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