Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
